apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
