So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
