i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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