why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
