Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
