Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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