the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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