just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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