their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
