I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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