i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
