just come out here and I will go home with you...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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