What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
