I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
