you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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