Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
