Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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