I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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