Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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