i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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