I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
