I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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