i wish semen tasted like chocolate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
