I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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