I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
