Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he wants to bone in the snuggie
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
