Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
