my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
