I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
