Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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