3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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