Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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