Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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