doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
