I've blown a few things in my day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dicks are not precious.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
