So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.