Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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(832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me

Replies (16) Good night (3116) Bad night (669)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just spent $27 on things to pee on.

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(484): I just spent $27 on things to pee on. http://tfl.nu/pmzm

Replies (30) Good night (1661) Bad night (3968)
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(216): View more from Ohio

In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.

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(216): In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case. http://tfl.nu/3se1

Replies (18) Good night (5207) Bad night (917)
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(586): View more from Michigan

You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

(1-586): View more from Michigan

You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

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(586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w

Replies (22) Good night (7930) Bad night (770)
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(443): View more from Maryland

My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.

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(443): My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve. http://tfl.nu/bc9v

Replies (18) Good night (1159) Bad night (6723)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.

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(484): It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever. http://tfl.nu/8zyq

Replies (47) Good night (5247) Bad night (1509)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

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(604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h

Replies (10) Good night (4766) Bad night (1178)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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(973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t

Replies (28) Good night (9189) Bad night (992)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service

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(970): I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service http://tfl.nu/s56z

Replies (17) Good night (5997) Bad night (795)
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(503): View more from Oregon

All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?

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(503): All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/oe9a

Replies (10) Good night (2916) Bad night (971)
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(214): View more from Texas

Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.

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(214): Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house. http://tfl.nu/po12

Replies (10) Good night (2041) Bad night (688)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now

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(920): Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now http://tfl.nu/chmx

Replies (7) Good night (2022) Bad night (498)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

(1-506): View more from New Brunswick

Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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(505): She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once. (1-506): Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring. http://tfl.nu/s5ra

Replies (7) Good night (2088) Bad night (357)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

God I hope the sex was good.

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(814): He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie. (1-814): God I hope the sex was good. http://tfl.nu/1yhc

Replies (6) Good night (439) Bad night (986)
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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.

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(+31): Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night. http://tfl.nu/bd92

Replies (0) Good night (592) Bad night (168)

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