you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.