Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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