fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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