You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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