dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
