It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You made out with two different species that night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
