i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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