I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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