im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
