Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
