in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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