I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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