I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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