Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
