I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
