i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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