Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
