We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
