Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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