Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
