so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
