I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
