i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
