I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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