I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
