He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I touched a dick in church today
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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