my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
