there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
