Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
