i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize