You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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