***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
