Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
