well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
