boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
