happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
