I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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