They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
