apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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