His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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