you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
